Love Calls Again Read online

  In true, she felt a bit relieved. She knew, had Richard either returned or written, she would have happily continued with their engagement. But he had not, and Richard's influence on her had little by little diminished with his absence and silence.

  ~•~

  London was not Elizabeth's favourite place. Nonetheless, seeing her sister so thrilled to be in town, she endeavoured to cheer up. Especially after Miss Darcy was informed of their presence in the area. The girl was exceedingly happy to be able to see her new acquaintance in person. A mere day had passed since the Miss Bennets' arrival when a carriage from Darcy's townhouse was dispatched to fetch the girls, and a very excited Kitty and a rather flushed Elizabeth were deposited in the entrance of the Darcy mansion.

  The housekeeper, again as in Pemberley, a respectable looking woman, received them, and immediately took them to the dining parlour where Miss Darcy awaited them. As they walked the corridors towards the room, Elizabeth noticed the fine furniture, more handsome than the furniture at Pemberley.

  And of this place I might have been mistress, too! she thought.

  "Miss Bennet, I am so happy you have accepted my invitation." Miss Darcy began.

  "Miss Darcy, the pleasure is all mine. May I introduce you to my sister, Miss Catherine?"

  The two young ladies cut a brief courtesy. "How do you do," said Kitty demurely for the first time in her life.

  "I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Miss Catherine."

  "Please, call me Kitty."

  "Then you should call me Georgie. 'Tis what my brother calls me."

  "Very well, then, you should call me Lizzy, since we are going to forget etiquette," added Lizzy.

  Elizabeth longed to inquire whether Mr Darcy was really absent, but had no courage for it. At length, however, the question was asked by Kitty, and she turned away with alarm, while Georgiana replied, to Elizabeth's relief, that she was expecting him in a week, for he had gone to Rosings to fetch Mrs Darcy for Georgiana's coming out.

  Georgiana lost no time in inviting, encouraging, and telling them to come very often, and as their acquaintance increased, so did their satisfaction in each other. Therefore, the threesome met almost every day at Darcy's townhouse, and for shopping in preparation for Georgiana's ball. As walking companions, Georgiana was happy to see how useful she found them. Kitty was so busy admiring Georgiana's soft blue eyes, in talking and listening to all the schemes in the in-betweens, that the afternoons and evenings flew away at a very unusual rate. When shopping, Kitty was delighted at the abundant purchases that Miss Darcy was making of laces and gowns They visited the most distinguished stores and in the company of Lady Matlock herself.

  Elizabeth could hardly believe that she was keeping company with Richard's mother, and at the same time, could not avoid feeling uncomfortable with the notion that the lady was compleatly unaware of how close Elizabeth had been to becoming her daughter.

  Contrary to Elizabeth's expectations, Kitty and Georgie soon became the best of friends. Kitty was not remarkably clever, but Miss Darcy found her altogether engaging -- conveniently extroverted, very much willing to talk -- and yet so far from pushing, showing proper and becoming deference, seeming so pleasantly grateful to be admitted in Darcy house, and so artlessly impressed by the appearance of everything in so superior a style to what she had been used to, that she must have good sense, and deserved encouragement. Encouragement should be given. Those natural graces should not be wasted on the inferior society of Hertfordshire and its connections. The acquaintances she had there were unworthy. The friends from which she had parted, though Miss Darcy was sure, were a very good sort of people, must be doing her harm. She would notice her. She would improve her, she would detach her from her bad acquaintances, and introduce her into good society, she would form her opinions and her manners. It would be an interesting, and certainly a very kind undertaking, highly becoming her own situation in life, her leisure, and powers.

  Much to Elizabeth's amazement, on the occasion of unintentional eavesdropping, she was surprised to unparalleled proportions upon hearing them thus speaking:

  "Have you ever fallen in love, Kitty?" was the undaunted question Miss Darcy made to her sister.

  "Why! Aye, of course. Many times!" was her blunt response. Georgiana gaped in amazement at such sincerity.

  "Many times?"

  "Aye. I have decidedly fallen in love with every young man of whom we have made the acquaintance lately. Which of them do you favour, Georgie?"

  "I do not mean smitten, Kitty. I mean, deeply in love. The kind of emotion one shall only feel upon a real commitment. You know. Love," said Georgiana demurely.

  "Do you mean one well worth setting the cap at?"

  "Precisely."

  Kitty stared in the air doubtfully, then shrugged unconvinced. "In that case, I suppose I have not. Have you?"

  "Nay, I confess I once thought myself in love with one young man, but I have recently realised I was only dazzled by his charms. Especially since I am beginning to appreciate the superiority of the love of more mature men."

  "Do you mean old men?"

  "I mean more mature. That does not necessarily entail old age. What would you think of a man of three and thirty seeking your hand in matrimony?"

  "Aghh!"

  "Do you think three and thirty exceedingly aged?"

  "I firmly believe that a man of three and thirty would be old enough to be my father, though certainly younger than my own."

  "Still you cannot deny the superiority of the mind of such."

  "What is a man of such wit if next he begins to complain of rheumatism? 'Tis too ridiculous! If he were ever animated enough to be in love, I wonder if any marriageable young lady would accept his addresses. Unless that there should by any chance happen to be a single lady of seven and twenty. I suppose that she might bring herself to submit to the offices of a nurse, for the sake of the offices and provisions of a wife."

  "I must object to your dooming such a man and his wife to the constant confinement of a sick chamber."

  "It would be impossible for meto love any man older than three and twenty. I suppose I could marry him for the sake of convenience were I to grow old myself and with no fortune as I am."

  "I'd rather think you are mistaken. In my eyes there could not be matrimony where there is not true love."

  "Indeed it is you who is mistaken! You speak like that because you can afford to marry where you choose. 'Tis not my case. I imagine I could agree to marry a man of thirty for the sake of the provision only," said Kitty decidedly.

  "I would be happy to accept his addresses, and I am sure I would love him much better than I could ever love a thousand younger. If there is something I shall never consent to, though, is a marriage of convenience." said Georgiana heartily.

  "You would, would you? To me it would be very unsuitable! An unmarried man of thirty should be nothing but an old bachelor to a woman of seventeen!"

  "I can easily suppose that thirty may appear much greater to you than to your sister! Take my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam. He is very handsome."

  "Indeed, I have met him upon a short visit he made to Longbourn last year. He is very handsome, indeed! Pray, tell me. How old is he?"

  "He is two and thirty."

  "Oh, horrid! I would not have it! Are you saying it in earnest?"

  "Indeed he is! Don't you think he is the most handsome man ever found?"

  "You should ask that of my sister." Kitty blurted out.

  At this point Lizzy found it necessary to interrupt the young ladies, lest Kitty should disclose something unsuitable regarding her sister's romantic inclinations, in constantly witnessing Lizzy interacting with the Colonel at Longbourn. Besides, she was very much mortified by the disclosure of Georgiana's feelings for her cousin.

  "Georgiana? Have you any idea when your brother is coming back to London?"

  "On the 28th exactly. He cannot come any earlier because my cousin Anne… I mean my sister, is reluctant
to stay away from Rosings more than three days. The ball is to be held on March 2nd so that will give him one day to rest before returning to Kent."

  "Is he planning to stay in Kent afterwards?"

  "I believe so. Are you planning to stay in London after the 28th for awhile?"

  "That will depend on certain circumstances. But I am inclined to believe there are great probabilities that my answer to your question might be yes."

  "Oh, I shall be so happy to be in your company for the rest of the winter!"

  Mr Darcy arrived at Rosings Park to find his wife in her blackest mood. Anne dreaded travelling to London. She was very much afraid to catch a malady of some sort and was not particularly fond of her sister Georgiana. Still, she was unwilling to let her husband go on his own. Anne was not particularly fond of him either, but her capricious nature and selfishness ruled her mind, and she would not hear of letting him be happy on his own if she could avoid it. If she was lonely and unhappy, so should her husband be.

  "I am afraid a journey to London might be dangerous. It is such an unhealthy place. If I do not catch my death there, my complexion might suffer. Mama said we are to have our portrait taken this summer. I want to look the best I can. If I should fall ill during this trip, the portrait will be ruined."

  Darcy blinked twice to afford himself some time before he answered her. Did she not look at herself in the mirror? Could a portrait be anything but ruined with her picture on display?

  "And I am sure I should never want to go there, for I am never happy but at Rosings." she went on.

  "I should be sorry to put you in any danger," he answered in the end.

  "And the weather is so variable these days! I cannot go away, you know, because of the rain. Oh dear! I am so miserable! I do wish I could travel everywhere in the world. Anyway, if I could, I would certainly not go to London!"

  "Well, I suppose that is settled then."

  "What is settled?"

  "You are not going."

  "Upon my word! How quickly you are willing to get rid of your wife! Indeed, I shall. I will not be missed from Georgiana's coming out for the world."

  On hearing this, Darcy was too compleatly overpowered to be immediately able to reply. When he collected his wits, however, he spoke with a proper degree of politeness.

  "What is to be done, Anne? Have you made up your mind?"

  "Indeed, I have. I shall accompany you. Both mama and I shall. You cannot suppose either of us have a great enjoyment in the prospect. But it cannot be helped."

  "Well, I believe, if you will excuse me, Anne, I shall go out for a quarter of an hour."

  He did not give her the opportunity to answer back and hurriedly exited the drawing room, not bothering to ring for his hat or coat. His wife's whimsicalities were too much for his own difficult character to endure, and he found in solitude the only viable escape.

  As he rambled within the park, he inevitably remembered the meetings with Elizabeth he had taken the trouble to plan when courting her two years ago.

  So much for courteous love… he berated himself.

  After walking two or three times along the lane, he stopped at the gates. Turning round, he found himself on the same spot where he had last seen her at Rosings, when he had given her his letter. Recollections of that occasion only made things worse for Darcy. How haughty he had been! If only he had swallowed his stupid pride!

  Be not alarmed, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments or renewal of those offers…

  Goodness, he had been all pride and insolence. Why…? Why had he not simply defended himself and stayed a little longer to see what effect his letter had on her? Perchance they could have been married now, and he would not be doomed to this unhappy marriage with Anne.

  In this perturbed state of mind, with thoughts that could rest on nothing, he walked on, feeling terribly depressed. But the walk only afforded him even more sad recollections. It would not do. There was not a place of his acquaintance where he could hide from Elizabeth's phantom. After wandering along the lane for two hours more, giving way to every variety of thought, he made up his mind to return to the house, to his own private hell. He counted the days that separated him from his return to London. At least in Georgiana's company he found some consolation.

  Little did he know the kind of consolation that awaited him in his own townhouse.

  As the day of the ball got closer, Elizabeth's uneasiness went into crescendo in view of Mr Darcy's prompt return. To make matters worse, she received a letter from Jane in which she apprised her of an invitation Mr Bingley had received from Mr Darcy to attend Miss Darcy's coming out. Not surprisingly, Mr Bingley was to stay with his wife at Mr Darcy's town house as his guests during their stay in town. The news was cause of no little trepidation in Elizabeth, and she grew increasingly alarmed with the prospect of an invitation, should one be issued for herself.

  The invitation did occur, of course, and as the dreadful fears of the impossibility of a refusal finally reached climax, Elizabeth resigned herself to resorting to a feigned illness. This was her resolution until the painful memory of a similar situation came to her mind. It was upon her staying in Kent two years ago. She had pleaded a headache with the result of Mr Darcy, and Mr Darcy alone, coming to inquire after her health. She was too much aware of the disastrous results of that encounter to risk making the same mistake twice.

  In her relentless pursuit of finding an escape from encountering Mr Darcy, Elizabeth quite inadvertently had given the gentleman too much thought. As a result, said gentleman visited her dreams with unabated recurrence. Perchance it was the exhilarating state in which she awoke after dreaming of Mr Darcy, the fact was that she began to ponder her feelings for him once more. Comparison was inevitable, and soon she found herself analysing her own reactions to both Fitzwilliam and Darcy's shows of affection. She found the whole affair an intimidating exertion until one night her nocturnal musing put an end to her fears and doubts.

  She woke up in the middle of the night with a sweaty complexion, her body pressed hard against the mattress. Her nightshift was absolutely disarrayed. Exaltation had taken over herself and she had the burning sensation of having been enjoying the enticing caresses that only one man's hands could bestow upon her.

  Mr Darcy's.

  An alarming, as well as intense state of arousal, accompanied by significant moisture between her legs, announced that she had really enjoyed the dream. It had been so vivid, so very real!

  To think, that very soon she would see him again! After a whole year! What would she do? Should she refuse the invitation to the ball? What would he think of her when he saw her among the guests? Surely he would keep his word of keeping his distance as much as possible.

  But she could not think of that. Not then. Not under the intoxicating influence of her dream. She was still enjoying the exhilarating effect of Mr Darcy's alluring presence in her bed.

  Then she knew it. While she had been madly in love with Richard whenever he was near, Mr Darcy needed not be close to enamour her.

  The effect Mr Darcy had on her without even being present was excruciating to say the least.

  Sixteen

  —

  A Bad Memory Is Unbearable

  Preparations for Miss Darcy's coming out party had been overwhelming. The house looked its best, and the ballroom glowed in the light of the chandeliers. When the first guests arrived, Miss, Mrs and Mr Darcy stood close to one another to receive them. Almost one of the last, Miss Bennet's arrival was momentous for Mr Darcy. He was not aware of her having been invited since said invitation had been issued as a last minute resolution made by Miss Darcy.

  Elizabeth ascended the stairs leading to the main door, Kitty tagging along behind her. Elizabeth heard her name announced from one landing-place to another in an audible voice and entered a room splendidly lit up, quite full of company and insufferably hot, or so she perceived it to be. Elizabeth discerned Mr Darcy's gall
ant figure standing erect beside his wife. She walked eagerly on until she was soon within a yard of the gentleman.

  On hearing her name being announced Darcy wheeled on his heels and looked at her. His heart sank within him, and he turned abruptly around to regain composure. She was the last person in the world he had expected to welcome.

  On Elizabeth's side, more particularly, there was a deficiency of all civil behaviour that a rather long acquaintance ought to look and say on such occasion. She was confused of his company. Memories of both his last words at parting at Netherfield and their unequivocal fulfilment upon her dreams washed her heart. Pray, pray. Be composed, and do not betray what you feel. Mr Darcy has not noticed you and he no longer cares. This, however, was more than she could believe herself, and to be composed at such moment was beyond her reach.

  She was welcomed by both Miss and Mrs Darcy with great cordiality, but especially by Georgiana, who showed more warmth of regard in her reception of her than did her sister-in-law.

  At last Mr Darcy turned around and regarded them both; Elizabeth stared up, and pronouncing his name in a tone of aversion, paid the smallest courtesy. He approached, and addressing himself with great formality, inquired after their family, and asked how long they had been in town. Kitty, then, in a most forward display she cheekily said:

  "Good God, Mr Darcy, what is the meaning of this? Will you not shake hands with us? Or are you just shy because you are no longer wearing a mask? After all the time you spent calling on us at Longbourn are we not friends? You certainly seemed quite friendly at Netherfield, particularly…" Elizabeth elbowed her just in time and Kitty giggled excitedly.

  This was invitation enough. Nothing would give Mr Darcy more pleasure than to hold hands with Miss Bennet, and Kitty's forwardness was deeply appreciated. After gladly obliging his young guest, inevitably, he was forced to pay the same attention to her elder sister. Elizabeth could not then avoid it, but stretched her hand only for a moment. He, instead of shaking it, bestowed the lightest of kisses upon its back. Elizabeth was robbed of all presence of mind by such an address and was unable to say a word. Her face crimsoned over and her legs threatened to abandon their capacity of keeping her standing erect. I should not have come. This will turn into a disaster.